I waltz through memory lane in a deep trance remembering what life was and how I reacted to every bit of my past experience and just how I found my self on this very spot, thinking bout the past.
Its really funny, when you are younger your tolerance level is @ 0%, you find it almost unbearable to stand mistakes, you think the world rotates around you, you act on impulse and hardly think of the repercussions of your action, you tell yourself I can't deal with this and you walk away without looking back.
Its ironic that when you are younger you have so much more passion and zest to start afresh like its just the most natural thing to do, like its no trouble, like its getting up from bed any other morning. You get older and all you want to do is hold unto anything, the thoughts of starting afresh becomes a malignant nightmare sipping through your sanity, killing your strength and burying any passion u nurtured.
I wonder were went my feisty spirit, my strength unfettered and relentless, I used to believe I was unstoppable and unbeatable, I was the reason I was created, I had the key to my destiny, I used to walk tall like I was a queen, I fail to understand what made me so passionate and strong and unbreakable.
And years later, I lay in bed going down memory lane asking myself what happened, when did I become the woman who let any1 decide how happy I could be or how satisfied I could get or what I deserved, when did I hand over the wheel of my destiny to be driven by another, how did I give up my independence to society's scrutiny? How did I join the train to the Land of wot ought to be as opposed to what I want for me? How did I get to this place where all decisions seems like an extreme compromise and every choice seems like a subtle directive by the unforeseen norm force!
So it hits me just @ d stroke of midnite, I have grown, cautious and thoughts are my ally, spontaneous act can not be enjoyed for being erratic can no longer be a luxury I can enjoy, I can not be the erratic I don't care devil to survive in a society like this, the days of nonchalance are behind me, but do I have to give up my independence to fit into this subjective society?
I wonder, I do wonder, being grown, does that mean being unfulfilled?
Am going down memory lane, and indeed it baffles me to feel so helpless!
Its really funny, when you are younger your tolerance level is @ 0%, you find it almost unbearable to stand mistakes, you think the world rotates around you, you act on impulse and hardly think of the repercussions of your action, you tell yourself I can't deal with this and you walk away without looking back.
Its ironic that when you are younger you have so much more passion and zest to start afresh like its just the most natural thing to do, like its no trouble, like its getting up from bed any other morning. You get older and all you want to do is hold unto anything, the thoughts of starting afresh becomes a malignant nightmare sipping through your sanity, killing your strength and burying any passion u nurtured.
I wonder were went my feisty spirit, my strength unfettered and relentless, I used to believe I was unstoppable and unbeatable, I was the reason I was created, I had the key to my destiny, I used to walk tall like I was a queen, I fail to understand what made me so passionate and strong and unbreakable.
And years later, I lay in bed going down memory lane asking myself what happened, when did I become the woman who let any1 decide how happy I could be or how satisfied I could get or what I deserved, when did I hand over the wheel of my destiny to be driven by another, how did I give up my independence to society's scrutiny? How did I join the train to the Land of wot ought to be as opposed to what I want for me? How did I get to this place where all decisions seems like an extreme compromise and every choice seems like a subtle directive by the unforeseen norm force!
So it hits me just @ d stroke of midnite, I have grown, cautious and thoughts are my ally, spontaneous act can not be enjoyed for being erratic can no longer be a luxury I can enjoy, I can not be the erratic I don't care devil to survive in a society like this, the days of nonchalance are behind me, but do I have to give up my independence to fit into this subjective society?
I wonder, I do wonder, being grown, does that mean being unfulfilled?
Am going down memory lane, and indeed it baffles me to feel so helpless!
Life the way I see it provides one with compromising choices in almost all situations. You can either be free and happy or humble but deny yourself of certain things that matter most to you. The choice is always yours to make. If you chose to be free, the society might not appreciate the kind of personality you represent in most situations. However, the more you allow for the dictates of the society in your life, the more distant you become from that personality you always envision to become in the future right from tender age. A situation, which by itself, is not all that bad. It makes you a better and responsible person according to the societally defined thresholds for moral acts. That personality you envisioned to become in the future( I guess the future is already here!) as a child is still in you,though most likely buried in your sub-conscious. You have the power and ability of re-awakening that personality but everything else has to go wrong first: you have to defy some of your religious teachings; Moral acts and social responsibility are what you define them to be, not what the society in general thinks; happiness is both a means and end in everything you do and for every reason you do things; you are either happy doing something or you don't do it at all. But first and foremost, you must be able to define what makes you happy...I mean really happy...then go for it. No room for regrets. No reason to be shameful....
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