How i lost Deji

so it occurs another lunch conversation with Deji,he was the ideal kinda guy i would have considered marrying, i mean he so willingly decided to give me his car to use for 3weeks non stop, he was always at my rescue each time i needed,he would listen to my problems and say things like "dont worry u would be fine" and the ask me how he could help, i still remember how we had met, i had decided to just take my passion for french seriously and pay for classes and some he was the banker who attended to me despite the fact that he wasnt behide the counter, he seemed strangly pleased by my name and it suprised me then but later i understood it all.

so sitting across the table, i stared at him again and wondered why it just seemed so impossible to find him attractive atall, his lips which is the most attractive thing about him moved in motion, asking me again why i just couldn't find it in my heart to give hime a chance.

i thought for a while,really trying to understand myself, i have always wanted to find some one who would pretty much worship me, treat me likee am some sort of fraigile egg and pamper me, and here he was right before my eyes aand all i could think of was, this guy is just pretending, am sure he would change once i gave him a chance to be the man for me.

But then it hitted me, i was not scared of dating him because i felt he was gonna hurt me eventually, i was scared of dating him because i knew his being available was not a good enough reason to date him, i couldnt find myself dating him cos i dint want to compromise dating some1 i dint find attractive, he was goodlooking in a specific way but it just dint appeal to me, maybe cos all I saw in him was a friend, my friend.

Marriage is not just about two poeple getting married cos it is time and it is just convinient, for me marriage is about finding that special person who understands u, who makes ur life worth living, who makes every moment count like neeva before, who makes your palm sweat just at the anticipation of his touch, its about finding some 1 who is considerate and kind and whose kindness and consideration is well appreciated and not just taken for granted.

So i looked him in the eyes and told him " Deji, u are so good to me, but i cant date u, if i do, i would be lieing to myself and that is going to be very unfair to you"

He looked like me as though i was some ghost, i guess he just never eexpected that i would still stick to my NO as per dating him, he then told me, he dint want to be friends, he could not be my friend and right there on the spot he left me sitting on the table and walked away.

I guess eventually i thought about it and was grateful for my decision cos as the porpular saying goes "HOW CAN WE BE LOVERS IF WE CANT BE FRIENDS? so Deji never wanted to be my friend he just wanted to date me.

So dats how Deji walked out of my life.